So I'm now currently 30 weeks (can you believe it?!) and a couple weeks into the 3rd trimester now. The second trimester has been a real mixed bag for me. In so many ways it's felt like it went by in a flash, even with the lack of structure, plans and being able to see loved ones for the majority. I only just started working again at the weekends for the duration of July to ease me back in to the swing of things and reintegrate me in to some normality and social interaction, which has done me the world of good.
I touched on this a little bit in my first trimester post but I started noticing at about 13 weeks that I had the small starts of a bump and feel like I've been showing from fairly early on and not just feeling like it was just bloat anymore. I must admit I've struggled a bit with my changing body, it is both a pleasure seeing the way your bump gets bigger week by week to make space for your baby that you are growing and also be in awe of what an incredible and magical thing it is doing - but I've also found it hard to accept the way in which it is changing and it not really feeling all that familiar anymore. Comparing myself to other expectant Mums bodies, wondering if my bumps too big or not big enough, have I put too much weight on already, feeling guilty for not being active or exercising like I would normally. I really didn't expect to feel like that so it's been a pretty weird thing to navigate. I know this is such a trivial thing in the scheme of things because I'm very lucky to be experiencing pregnancy and it is such a pleasure and it really is a wonderful experience - it's even worth all the negative symptoms 100 times over.
It's been a struggle with clothes as well as whilst my body expanded and grew out of my wardrobe I wasn't able to browse shops or try anything on. It was okay to start with as majority of the time I was wearing sweats, pj bottoms and jumpers but as the weather got hotter and I wanted to start dressing nicer again and feeling more like myself - I was getting to big for most my waistbands and most dresses. feeling very unattractive and frumpy the majority of the time.
Emotional wreck
I've found my emotions and hormones have been way more off kilter and heightened in this trimester. I think in the first trimester I was just too happy with our news and letting it really sink in. I was still occupied with work, consumed by sickness, fatigue and worries of the pains I was experiencing. Whereas I've had so much more time with my thoughts, feelings and the added extra of everything else happening in the world that I've cried, sobbed, teared up at the drop of the hat (like really ugly cry) so much more and been worried and let anxiety in from things such as is our baby okay in there (even more so before feeling movements and the 20 week scan) will we be good parents, how will we save as much when baby comes along, when will we be able to move and find our ideal house, nobody cares about me, when will I see family and friends, about life post lockdown and how strange and alien everything will be. I keep thinking and reflecting about the things we have missed out on and will never get back and I even know this won't change anything and nothing I can do about it but it's still hard, being pregnant in a pandemic has been a bit of an experience.
Symptoms
From about 14-16 weeks I felt the nausea lift (hallelujah!) and one day just realised I felt normal and okay again with my appetite returning to wanting to stock up on vegetables, salads and get all my nutrients in which has been great but also from about 20 weeks I've had days were I just feel constantly hungry which is when growth spurts must be happening I assume?
I've felt more energy and been able to participate more in exercise and going for longer walks. I don't really think I've had that 'pregnancy glow' that is so famously mentioned... I think that one missed me but I must admit after feeling so rubbish for what felt like forever it was amazing to feel my personality come back and feel more alive again.
I have also started with the back and body pains, sharp round ligament twinges but it's nothing like I experienced at 9 weeks when we had to go A&E. Sleeping on my side has been interesting (I'm usually a tummy sleeper) I've been sleeping with a pregnancy pillow, a cushion between my legs and one usually wedged under my back/bum whilst on top of the duvet under a blanket as I find it easier as I am still tossing and turning (mostly trying to sleep on my left side though) a lot to find a comfortable position . Matt can barely get near me anymore...! I'm waking up most the time with hip, leg and bum pain so that's not been very pleasant. I feel I have become way more of a light sleeper, I guess preparing me for what is to come.
From 25 weeks I definitely could feel myself edging closer to the third trimester and starting to feel very fatigued once again. I've also started working at weekends and every time I seem to have a busy day or couple of days (as they had been so few and far between for a long time)I feel a kind of hangover effect the following day where I think the overwhelm, build up of anxiety and being overstimulated really hits me and I seem to be low all day and really tired. Feeling occasional mild nausea, stomach cramps, bleeding gums and bleeding nose all these weird and wonderful things!
First Movements
23/05 the date I started to first feel our babies first movements also known as 'quickening' one of the most wonderful feelings and I will forever remember it. It was only a couple of days before my 20 week scan and I was starting to get more and more anxious that I hadn't felt anything definite and couldn't be sure if it has just been gas or my own heartbeat. Then on that Saturday evening I was just laying on the sofa watching ninja warrior (lockdown life for you!) and felt this gentle thud on my left side, followed shortly by little bubbles and a kind of ripple effect. I remember always thinking how weird and alien it must be to feel something move within you but because it starts so gradually and builds up to becoming stronger and more intense that you get used to it. It really is something I look forward to and find so reassuring if not a little uncomfortable sometimes.
20 week scan
Just a couple of days after I started feeling movement I had my 20 week scan. My appointments from 16 weeks have been at Tottenham Hotspur football stadium! Unfortunately again I had to attend my appointment alone and Matt didn't get to be there for the special moment. Sadness about being alone and anxiety of what was to come (as it is a really important scan to see if baby has any abnormalities and all organs growing as expected etc) overshadowed any excitement at first. That was until I saw our little baby that was made by us move around on the screen and feeling corresponding kicks when prodded. I told the sonographer as soon as I got up on the bed that I wanted the gender to be written down so that I could share it with my Husband later on. The scan was so special, really in-depth and I left feeling on such a high.
We managed to be patient enough for about 8 hours without peeking at the gender so that in the evening we could take my notebook to the park with a little picnic and reveal the gender together, we face timed some family and celebrated.
And if you don't follow me on instagram or haven't seen well we're having a girl!
Fun stuff
Some of the things we've been enjoying doing this trimester is thinking of potential names, especially as we could fine tune after finding out the gender. We have a few on the agenda that we like the most and even one of our favourites is from when we first started dating and we said if we ever had a daughter then we would want to name her that (typically it's a pretty popular name this year...) but we are waiting until we meet her to make any decisions.
Buying things has been really fun, exciting and something we could share together. The majority of the times we popped into Sainsbury or Marks and Spencer we would head to the baby aisle and pick something up as this was pretty much the only option until 15th June when shops reopened and it doesn't feel quite the same purchasing things online (although we did order a few things too) We are all sorted with our big items like the next to me crib, travel system (some very kind gifts from my parent in laws) a little rocker chair, play mat etc.
We've started to nest and redecorate our spare room for her arrival. It's been painted a sage green colour, we've bought some of the new furniture, washed her clothes and stored them in drawers and we are awaiting new carpet. I can't wait to do the exciting part of finding prints, filling it with cute teddies, trinkets etc and that's definitely a less stressful part too.
One of my all time favourite things is having Matt be able to feel and see her movements, the way sometimes she will respond to touch and rubs or Matt speaking - sometimes when he's reading me a hypnobirthing relaxation and rests his hand on my stomach she will go crazy flipping around. The feel of her gentle hiccups pulsing in the same spot always makes me picture what she must look like experiencing them.
I can't quite believe in about 2 months our lives will be so different and fuller, I'll try and update a third trimester post to be finished just before 40 weeks but we can never know how these things will go!
0 comments:
Post a Comment